I remember plotting it out: 14 rounds of chemotherapy, every 3 weeks, after 6th round of chemo add in 36 days of radiation, continue 8 more rounds of chemo, add 10 days of lung radiation and she’s done! That was the finish line – a week before Christmas. Perfect.
Except God had a different finish line. Mikayla wasn’t done with treatment until May when her port was removed, and even then we found out the race wasn’t really over and it still isn’t in a lot of ways.
After Mikayla’s second round of chemotherapy she landed in the hospital for half a week with a fever and very low blood counts – too low to be out and about with very few platelets in her blood. That delayed her next round of chemo by 5 days. So I got out my calendar and just about started to make a new one with what surely would be the only little blip on the schedule. It was right about then that God spoke to my spirit saying, “Stop plotting out a finish line Deanna. Just trust me.”
That was the only calendar I made. From then on I kept track of all of her treatments, all of the in between hospital stays and all of her scan days, but I stopped looking for a finish line. God knew when it would come and I needed to stop looking for it.
So much of life is like this, right?
We all thought COVID was going to be a two week break in our lives and then we would be back to normal life. We looked for a finish line. FYI – there is no finish line.
We have seasons of grief where we look at what we think SHOULD be the finish line – only to get to that point and realize are still grieving. And even years later the grief spikes when a memory pops up.
We have times of wilderness wandering like the Israelites – not knowing where God is taking us – and plan for what looks like a finish line. But then we get to that place and we’re still wandering some. We then wonder when that finish line will ever show up.
Paul says in II Timothy 4:7-8, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. Now there is for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
This is our finish line! Oh how I long for His appearing. How I long to hear, “Welcome home Deanna.” When I see His face and with a finish race sigh, run into His beautiful arms! Hallelujah! Until then I will choose to trust in Him, the One who holds my life in His hands, and know that in all ways He is preparing me for that day!